Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 

Lost and forlorn by ~zerrer:iconzerrer:



I mouth the words I'm not ready to speak
Nobody knows how I am weak.

~I have nowhere to land, no place to rest,
I'm Like a bird, without a nest~

My dream is where there's one who understands.
who lives in my head as well as holds my hand
but only one can take that place

~who will open that door
When everybody is blind, forevermore~

Although they will allow it to be.
I am not who they think I am.

~I was given no chance, time and again.
All I can see will cause me pain.~

Although I blame myself for this crime
I'm innocent of the mistake I am in.

~When I drop my last tear,
I have been trapped here~

I feel like I've been in a maze
I am out of time and place.

~The values I should keep in high regard don't mean a thing to me~

I live in a perfect hell,
I try finding my wishing well

~Until I free my soul
I will not become whole~

From those that nobody knows
I am here as a sacrifice
For those that wish for human flesh.

~Every single moment I wish for a conclusion
Every single moment pains me~

But what do I yearn?
I have yet to learn

~I never felt like home here
I am missing something~

Although those who wish and those who see
Are those who want not to know me.
©2008-2009 ~zerrer
:iconzerrer:

Author's Comments

My pitiful attempt at trying to actually rhyme.

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconscarletskie:
Dude I love this...it spoke to me
:iconundertoe:
The rhyming sounds very forced, the punctuation is inconsistent, and the thematic elements are dreadfully cliche. It is far too angsty and brooding. You clearly concentrated too much on rhyming as the rest of the poem fell apart.

--
A cynic only sees beauty in the beautiful
:icontreighlana:
*faves* This is, like, wow...I don't really have words for how awesome it is ^^

--
Go stalk me over on FA, I order you! XD
http:\\www.furaffinity.net/user/lantu

Copy and paste this onto your signature if you believe that odd socks are a fasion statement :iconawesomeplz:

My partner in crime - :iconwiitnuant:
:iconbamakitty:
WOW this is amazing!! I like the sadness to it. :star:

--
The cake is a lie! And so is the pie o___o The muffins are safe, though. They're on our side =o.....haha Rachael!
----------------------------
:iconjudin:
A lovely poem! :D
I think you did great with the rhyming.
It's my opinion that the first four lines were by far the best, mostly because their rhythm was even and easy to read. After those four it becomes a little untidy, but I see that you've submitted the poem into the "open" category, so I won't say anything. Rhyme is always easier when you've got rhythm as well, though.

--
:blackrose:Welcome, Sir, please come right this way. My apologies for the screams. Oh, silly me, I forgot! Shall I hang up your straightjacket?:blackrose:

Details

April 23, 2008
1.5 KB

Statistics

5
3 [who?]
89 (0 today)
7 (0 today)

Site Map